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April 2013



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fic: Underatedly overate

Title: Underatedly overate
Prompt: Coming Home
Word Count: 1159
Rating: T
Original/Fandom: X Men
Pairings (if any): Domino/Deadpool
Warnings (Non-Con/Dub-Con/Underage): ...
Summary: Hope is a very disappointing bird.


Domino thought – and really, she should stop thinking things, seeing how that’s been going for her lately – that Wade would probably still be asleep by the time she returned home from the store. She’d have enough time for a moment’s peace – Wade talked even in his sleep – before the crazed mercenary woke up, and she kicked him out.

Except he wasn’t sleeping. Wade could be heard in the kitchen, fighting with the pots and pans from the sounds of it. Her kitchen was separated from her living room by a wall with that quaint, sliding window atop the counter. The swinging door opened a crack as something on the other side hit it.

“Wilson!” She called out.

The clanging hesitated, then something dropped, and it sounded as if every pot she owned simultenously hit the floor. A moment later, Wade opened the window, smiling a tad too bright as he leaned on the counter.

“Hi theeeere! Uh, what’s up?”

“Why are you destroying my kitchen?”

“Now that is actually a pretty common misconception. I’m not destroying anything at the moment. I’m making breakfast.”

He disappeared from the window and came through the swinging door carrying a tray that she was certain she didn't own laden with a plate stacked with pancakes, scrambled eggs and a bottle of maple syrup.

"I had no idea you could cook."

"They're pancakes and scrambled eggs. Monkeys could do it. "

It all looked edible. There were no suspicious odors. One thing bothered her though.

“Where did you get those pants?”

She wasn’t complaining that he’d found clothes, but again, they were not Domino’s.

“Your neighbor. He had leather too, but those really chafe, you know. And the interior décor of his house was absolutely fabulous. You should ask him who his decorator was because you, my dear,” he flipped his wrist, encompassing the whole house, “need some help up in here. Bloody carpet is so five minutes ago.”

“Please tell me no one saw your naked butt going in or out of my house.”

“No one saw me, probably,” he repeated then pointed at her landline phone, red light blinking, “but you got a lot of messages.”

Domino sighed, reminding herself that shooting the regenerate mutate would solve nothing. Another thought occurred to her, but she pushed that way, deciding that she didn’t want to know if Wade had stolen underwear as well.

“Sit. Eat,” he urged, all but dragging her to the table. “Enjoy.”

She allowed him to sit her down and watched with mild curiosity as he prepared a plate for her.

“Why are you doing this?”

“You know,” he said, leaning onto the table next to her. “You’re a very inquisitive, suspicious lady. But you’re also a friend of mine, Dom, and since I can’t pay you in money, or guns, or jewelry – I mean, if I could afford a hotel, I wouldn’t be here – I just wanted to say thanks in another way.”

She was momentarily warmed in a small way at that.

“In fact,” he went on, “you’re probably my best friend now since Cable…you know. And I don’t have that many friends or people who’d do for me what you do without me holding a gun to their head so, seriously, Neena. Thank you.”

And that not only touched her because he was serious, it also freaked her out a little bit because Wade just had a serious moment. She worried for all of two seconds before the maniac flung his arms around her and hugged her. One arm trapped against her side, she awkwardly hugged him back. Time drew on, and the hug became awkward.

She was so caught off guard that it slipped her mind to ask why none of her former instances of hospitality warranted a breakfast.

“Wade, le –“

“Ssshh. Don’t ruin the moment.”

“Moment was over two minutes ago. Get off.”

He reluctantly did so, whumping her back twice first and stood up, wiping a tear as he did so.

“Here,” she said, holding up the two bags to him.

“For me? Why, you shouldn’t have!” he squealed, snatching the bags from her and digging through them.

“Apparently not since you’re such an accomplished nudist burglar,” she muttered.

With Wade behind her and his attention on something else, Domino cautiously eyed the food before stealing her nerves to at least taste it. As she was pouring syrup over the seemingly cooked if a little crispy pancake, she heard a zipper behind her.

“You had better not be stripping behind me, Wilson.”

“…if you don’t turn around, you won’t know either way.”

“I have a butter knife and very lucky aim, you know.”

“Don’t turn around!”

“Oh my Joss.”

“Eat before it gets cold, or you won’t get any dessert.”

Rolling her eyes, she cut a piece of pancake with her fork, closed her eyes, and took a bite. Surprisingly to her utter shock, it was edible. Not only edible but actually pretty good. She even told him so.

“Don’t hold back,” he said. “This is awesome. I mean, I’d marry me for this kind of food. But according to every state in the union, that’s not legal. And no luck in Canada either.”

“Shame. The image of you as a housewife is as amusing as it is terrifying.”

“Yeah, yeah. So what do you think?”

Wade strutted next to her, modeling his new outfit of jeans and red sweater.

“It looks like it fits,” she answered noncommittally.

She thought it’d looked rather nice.

“How’d you know my size?”

She took a sip of orange juice then shrugged.

“Lucky guess.”

He considered her a moment before declaring, “Liar.”


“You’ve been checking me out on the sly, haven’t you?”

She laughed loudly. “I knew there was a reason I let you stay here.”

“Admit it, you think I’m sexy.”

“I think you’re crazy.”

“Crazy sexy.”

“Just plain, ol’ crazy actually.”

“How could you not think I’m sexy? This version of me looks like freakin’ Ryan Reynolds. If you ask me, you’re the crazy one.”

“Didn’t ask you.”

“Well, I never!”

“Stop being a drama queen and eat with me.”

“Thought you’d never ask.”

She smirked and said, “Didn’t ask you.”


Sometime after breakfast, Domino caught a look at her kitchen and nearly had a panic attack. After chasing Wade away from it with a broom, she set to cleaning and wondering how someone got eggs on the ceiling.

“Why am I out of garbage bags, Wade?” she yelled.

“Well,” he drawled, half-shouting, “some pals came by, and things got kinda…wild, and they made a huge mess. Don’t worry though. I…took care of them.”

Domino translated ‘pals’ into ‘enemies’, ‘wild’ into ‘tried to kill me’ and ‘took care’ as killed them, cut them into pieces, and stuffed them in garbage bags.

“Go get more.”


She heard the front door slam and thought that maybe when he got back, she wouldn’t be home.